(This variation of the famous poem ‘Twas the night before Christmas’ is called “Twas the Day After Christmas” and has been posted for your enjoyment.)
(based on the original “Twas the night before Christmas” by Clement Clark Moore, c:1837.)
“Twas the Day After Christmas”
Twas the day after Christmas, and through our bedroom,
screeched my iPhone alarm, like a bad game of Doom.
I’d set it last night for an early Wal-Mart run,
in hopes that the ‘returns’ crowd would somehow be fun.
My laptop still running a Windows 10 app,
downloading road updates to our OnStar maps.
Gift-wrapped Amazon boxes tossed about with no care,
and acres of bubble wrap strewn everywhere.
I tiptoed downstairs, gift-wrap blocking my route,
assorted technology strewn all about.
Talking Barbie, an Xbox, a Kindle HD,
Bb2 from “Star Wars” and a Nintendo Wii.
From our condo parking lot there arose such a clatter,
I dropped my new iPad to see what was the matter.
And up to my window I flew like a tweet,
to glimpse the neighbors hoverboard ablaze in the street.
And then what, to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a white panel van with blue logo drew near.
And out popped a fellow, known to be back,
our jolly old postman, with a monstrous sack.
He opened his sack with the grin of a fox,
as he robo-stuffed stacks of bills into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, an endless stream they came,
and he shouted aloud as he stuffed them by name.
“Here’s Best Buy, here’s Target, here’s Sears, and here’s Macy’s,
here’s AMEX, Discover, and SunTrust and Penny’s.”
“You’ve run up your credit limits all over the mall,
just charge away, charge away, charge away, all!”
In a jovial manner he completed his work
on all the mailboxes, then turned with a jerk,
jumped into his truck and drove out of our lot,
weighing considerably less, as the bills, IT…HAD…NOT!
And lastly, he shouted a holiday cheer,
“Merry Christmas to all. You’ll pay for this next year!!!”